She turned 93!
Today we celebrated one of our members’ 93rd birthday! She’s been with our program for at least the past 4 years that I’ve been working. Although she’s one of the oldest members we have, there aren’t that many others still with us from four years ago when I started.
We had a great day of celebration. We only sang Happy Birthday to her about four times. An hour after the first time we sang someone saw the balloon and asked if it was indeed her birthday. “So why haven’t we sung for her yet?!!!” So we sang again, and again, but it was no chore, we all celebrated the achievement of this small, frail, elderly woman battling dementia. I’ve named some of our other members so I might as well ascribe one for her. I think Ms. Determination will do.
What struck me most today is how much our staff and volunteers have emotionally attached to Ms. Determination. Of course, this includes myself, and I was trying to weigh the pros and cons of becoming attached to the people we care for throughout the day. Is it a good thing? Should we be more or less involved on an emotional level?
Personally, I feel that there is quite the fine line we need to walk as activity professionals when we become emotionally attached to our members or residents. I think it is a great thing that in our profession we are allowed to use our God-given emotions and form bonds as we strive to improve their quality of life. In fact, part of improving one’s quality of life is helping to generate a social bond, people who they know care about them, someone they can look forward to interacting with. And, on a side note, as Ms. Determination’s dementia progressed, there’s been less conversation, but our staff still interact with hand motions, gestures, and more encouragement.
There are two potential dangers that I foresee that forming a real close bond with our members and residents can pose. Firstly, unless we are providing only one-to-one care, we risk alienating others in our facility or making them feel less appreciated, cared for, or loved. It is true that we cannot please everyone to the fullest all the time, we should be aware of when we are causing someone to feel less about themselves. And we need to take responsibility to find out how our actions are making our residents and members feel. It is not just enough to think that if someone doesn’t seem affected or hasn’t spoken up, to assume everything is okay.
Secondly, we cannot allow the bonds we’ve made with our residents or members to become a selfish endeavor. Activity professionals are people too, and we need social bonds just as much as the next person! However, as professionals, our bonds with our clients are primarily for the benefit of the member or resident. If we benefit from the bond as a secondary effect, that’s great(!), but our needs do not come first. It can be hard to step outside ourselves and evaluate our motives in relationships, but being aware of this possibility is the first step in discovering our own shortcomings.
All in all the bond our staff, and really the whole program, has found with Ms. Determination is something she couldn’t get anywhere else. To be accepted for who she is and her limitations, to be cared for by people who genuinely enjoy her presence, and to have a group to share her achievements with is something our profession is all about.
